www.hotmale.com
by Loki21
Summary: Someone messed with X-Men emails. That's just for fun.


- Hair Removal

Disclaimer and stuff: Naw, d'you really think I own the X-Men?

I only wrote that stuff for fun. I don't even claim it has a real plot.

Flames are welcome it that makes you feel better.

**************

You have emale

"Jubilee... I'm not so sure about this one..." tried Bobby once again. He wasn't sure at all about it.

"Cool it, Popsicle. It's gonna to be a blast!"

Bobby stared at the computer screen while Jubilee kept typing. "Yes, a real blast. Add some blood bath! Jubes, are you sure...?

Jubilee turned slightly to look at Iceman, the glint in her eyes speaking volumes.

"Alright! But if one of them..." he started.

"No one will know, cuz no one's gonna tell them, hey?"

"Right."

"Look, since Wolvie came back, nothing happened. Not a single skirmish with the FoH. No nothing. D'you prefer to be the receiving end when he'll need to vent off?"

"I sure don't. But aren't you going a bit to far?"

Jubilee pushed the SEND button on her browser. "Well, it's to late now. We better check on the cameras..." On that, she turned off the computer and walked to the corner of the room, to the table where Bobby had dropped the mini-camera which was to record the victims of her latest prank.

"Let's get out of here. Wolvie's night shift starts in 10 minutes," directed Jubilee.

Bobby didn't need much pushing to get out of there.

*******

Wolverine soon after walked in the control room. It smelled Jubilee and Iceman. He shrugged, imagining them playing or surfing the Net for hours in search of who knows what. He really didn't care, as long as they were out of here now.

As he sat on the chair and turned on the computer, he rearranged the security vid screens so he could watch on them all, while his feet were comfortably resting on the desk. He then entered his personal code on the computer.

Another long night ahead. Hopefully, something would happen and make it so that he would have to run, jump, growl, and maybe, if lucky, he could even slice n' dice a bit.

Wolverine's attention soon fell on the screen, where a blinking flag indicated that he had received email. He never had any email. He hated email. That was for sissies. If he had somethin' to tell, he would say it directly, in the person's face.

He pushed some keys and saw that the incoming email was sent by.... Scott Summers.

*******

Meanwhile, Scott Summers was checking his email one last time before bed. Since Jean had a headache, she had gone to bed way early. And there was nothing to do there now for him but to sleep. And he wasn't really sleepy.

Scott opened his email software. Goodie. There was 3 emails. The first one was sent by an old buddy from college. It was a long message, inviting Scott to the class anniversary. Since he would have to talk about it with Jean, he decided to answer later.

The seconde email was from a graduated student of the school, just saying hello and giving some more thanks about all the help he received at the school. Scott would have to check to make sure he remembered well this student before answering. Being a good teacher and leader, he would verify before replying.

The third and last email was from.... Logan.

*******

Almost at the same minute, both Scott and Logan thought that printing that email was a necessity. Both were sure that it would be a good reason to explain themselves later. 

But for right now, both Cyclops and Wolverine made an hasty exit: Cyclops out of the boat house toward the mansion, as Wolverine ran upstairs and then out, toward the boat house.

*******

From the top of the mansion, Jubilee snickered as she saw Wolvie ran out of the mansion. Bobby, seated by her side, felt strange about it. He still was convinced that Jubes had gone to far this time. Maybe he should try and stop it all?

"Oh," whispered Jubilee, "here comes Scott." She pointed at the tall man walking – rather, running – down the path toward the mansion.

*******

Wolverine stopped on his tracks, watching that jerk running down in his direction.

Scott stopped short when he spotted the bulky shape of the Wolverine facing him, in the driveway.

"You went to far this time, bub," growled Wolverine.

"No, YOU went to far. Let's settle this, once for all. I had enough of you," replied Scott, a hand slowly reaching for his visor.

"Yeah, let's settle this. That's the only smart thing I ever heard you say," retorted Wolverine, as he unseathed his claws.

"Well, thanks. Coming from a guy who can barely talk... and that, when sober."

"I talk with them," groaned Logan, pointing to the sky with 6 shiny adamantium claws. "Wanna hear them out?"

*******

Jean Grey-Summers didn't like being awaken, especially when she had a headache. But the professor's voice in her head would not allow her to ignore it.

Looking around, she indeed didn't see Scott anywhere. He had left, and the computer was still on. That wasn't like him to do so. Probing on the mental link she shared with her husband, she soon realized the emergency the professor talked about.

Scott and Logan were at it again. That meant, for them.... trying to kill each other. Again.

*******

"Hey, chère," protested Gambit as Rogue pushed him away. "You do not love Remy 'nymore?"

Rogue shook her head, as if to clear it. "Ah'm sorry, Gambit. But the professor needs me. Now."

Gambit left the comfortable couch, smirking. "They at it again?"

Rogue sighted. "Ah'll be right back." She walked to the living room's door, toward the main door. Remy followed her: better have fun watching these two trying to kill each other. It had been the national sport around, lately. That, and making out with Rogue...

*******

The first laser-beam just missed Wolverine by a few feet. To Scott, it was a warning to the Canadian.

"I'm used to kill better prays, bub," grinned Wolverine, summer-saulting away in the near-by bushes.

Cyclops couldn't see Wolverine anymore. That wasn't good. He moved to the center of the driveway: if Wolverine was to try and jump him, he could then see him coming.

Indeed, Logan watched Cyclops make his move away. He laughed interiorly. Even if equipped with laser-beams, Scott wasn't a match for him. Right now, the only regret he had was that he was going to make Jeannie a widow.... Oh well, it was bound to happen sooner or later!

As soon as his heartbeat slowed down – which took a mere second – he sure enough jumped out of the bushed and ran toward Scott, avoiding the laser-beams on his way. Aiming at Cyclops' throat.

********

{Rogue?}

{Right here, Jean.}

{Proceed as usual.}

{Ah got ya clear}

********

A few more seconds, that's all he needed. Cyclops' laser-beams kept getting closer to their moving target. Maybe tonight.....

********

He could smell him. Oh, no fear. No fear at all coming from the Fearless-leader. Good.

Wolverine was to make it change in a few seconds. Just a few more jumps, and he was at his throat for good.

Just a few more seconds. Could he make it this time?

********

As Cyclops aimed for a very good shot, his hand froze. He could not move his fingers anymore. And no more reach his visor. Fuming, he shouted some mental curses – only his wife would hear them, and she would not repeat them to keep up his appearances.

Just as he was mid-air in his last jump toward Cyclops' throat, two hands grabbed him by the armpits and there he was flying 30 feet over the driveway. As mad as he could be – and that was something in itself – Wolverine had no choice. He couldn't play slice n' dice with Rogue.

********

That's when the professor made it to the driveway, Gambit on his side.

"Gambit think that Logan had a chance," he commented.

"Remy, please," cut in the professor. Then he looked at the fidgedted Cyclops, telekinatly held in place by his wife, and at Wolverine, tossing in Rogue's arms as she moved a bit down toward the driveway.

********

Jubilee elbowed Bobby. "That's the funny part."

"Funny?"

"Yeah, to see if were gonna be caught," she whispered.

********

"Alright, gentlemen. I want an explanation to that... latest duel of yours," ordered Charles Xavier, sighing.

"He sent me an email," explained Scott, his wife so galantly allowing him to talk, but not move.

"YOU sent me a flamin' email!" yelled Wolverine.

Xavier raised his hand, ordering everyone to calm down. "You tried to kill each other for... an email?"

That's when the professor slightly probed Cyclops and Wolverine's mind to learn a bit more. A huge grin treatened to cross his face. Then it changed into a swallowed laughter.

"What is so funny, professeur?" asked Remy, the only witness to Xavier's struggle against laughter.

"And... and.... what was that... email?" Xavier could barely speak.

Using his mental link with his wife, Scott bargained for a free hand so he could show the professor his print of the email Logan sent him.

The professor took the piece of paper. He didn't need to read it. But as he eyes caught the words printed in huge red capital letters, he couldn't hold it anymore and laughed out loud.

"I don't think it is funny. Not at all," spat an indignated Scott Summers.

Gambit bent down and looked at the paper. His face turned a funny shade of red. "Logan, mon ami, you went to far," he commented.

"Logan... do you.. have.. a copy of Scott's email?" asked the professor, fighting against laughter.

"Yeah." Rogue let him free, making sure he would not go after Cyclops.

That time, Remy took it from Logan's hand. The Cajun read it. Then turned to Scott. "That was low, mon ami," he reproached.

"I didn't send any email to Wolverine!" Scott defended himself. "He was the one to send me one!"

"I never sent you any flamin' email!" shouted Logan, now Rogue needing to restrain him again.

********

"Make sure your focus is OK, Popsicle," ordered Jubilee. "The next seconds are vital."

Bobby, handling the camera, double-checked on his focus. "All set."

"Let's roll!"

********

"I swear, I never sent Logan any email," concluded Scott.

"And I did not send you any, bub," retorted Logan.

"Well, that's settled then. I suggest everyone goes to bed and try to relax," cut in the professor.

"Hey, waitaminit. Ah want to know what are these emails about," complained Rogue. Hey, she had to interrupt a very interesting sessons of making-out with Gambit, she deserved to know.

"I agree with Rogue, professor. I have a very bad headache and I want to know what is the cause of this all," added Jean, a bit pissed off that she had missed a long deserved sleep.

Scott looked at Wolverine, as if to find a common peace truce, and mute agreement. "Nothing you should worry about, Jean."

"Yeah, I'll have a cold one," so wisely said Wolverine.

Rogue's hands were on Logan's shoulders, stopping him from walking away. Jean regained her telekinetic grip on her husband.

"Gambit, sugah. Ya know... Ah might get mad if ya don't read these emails... d'ya miss Antarctica?...." she trailed off.

"You do that, bub, and you're dead," growled Wolverine.

"And if you ain't dead, I'll put you on night shift for a month," added Scott.

Gambit looked at Cyclops, then at Wolverine. But Rogue's eyes got the better.

"Professeur?" asked Remy.

"By all means," was all Xavier could say, fighting against a renewed laughter fit.

Remy took the paper from the professor's hand, and started to read.

"From: Scott Summers. To: Logan Logan. - 

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Gambit finished this first email.

"I don't need no flamin' hair removal!" shouted Wolverine.

"Of course not, sugah," soothed Rogue, to Remy's dissaproving look. 

"Your hair is just... just...." started Jean, her mind racing. Wolverine's hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Jean?" asked – rather, warned – Scott.

"Alright!" cut in Remy. "As for Logan's email..."

"I didn't send any....." started Logan.

"To Scott Summers. From: Logan Logan.

Hey, bub. I saw it over the Internet and thought you needed it.

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And suddenly, everyone burst into laughing. Including the professor, and Jean.

Scott looked down at his wife, a sad look on his face.

But the laughters they could all hear, coming from over the mansion, on the roof, made them stop.

Up there, Jubilee was laughing her guts out, while Iceman looked like a deer caught on some truck's light beams. It was due time to run for the pranksters.

FINIS


End file.
